Interactive Feedback Loop

"Every language interaction is an interactive feedback loop." - Dr. Suzette H. Elgin, PhD. The Gently Art of Verbal Self-Defense. One of the five meta-principles of the GAVSD system created in the seventies by Dr. Elgin. I first came across this book while reading the bibliography of one of Rory Miller's books on violence. 

You might ask me how this relates to self-defense, conflicts and violence. It is all about attitude and how we communicate in a group, i.e. two or more persons with a persona emphasis on two. In another article written at the no nonsense self defense site by Marc MacYoung as well as a blog post recently by Rory Miller at the Chiron blog they mention that a lot of conflict/violence is attributed to attitude, i.e. being either an asshole or an idiot (I left out professional since this post is directed toward a general populace regarding self-defense training, etc.). 

One of the ways we project attitude is through body and verbal language. I use both because both make up the whole that is communications. It is apparent that if you enter into an encounter with an attitude that leaves a sense that you are either an asshole or an idiot that body language and the verbal exchange will let the opposition know exactly where you are and are coming from. 

What happens in many situations is one person will say some thing that is interpreted by the other persons ego, i.e. their monkey brain, and that opens the endless loop allowing their monkey brain and ego to respond with a like some thing said, i.e. becoming an interactive exchange of words and body language that feeds the interactive feedback loop and whalla, you have a conflict that as the loop continues leads to that moment when words are not enough and the monkey decides to take it to the next physical and violent level. 

I believe that the first order of business is to understand these communications skills and that is why I recommend getting Dr. Elgin's books. They are out of print but available from other sources and well worth the cost and effort. I believe that the second order of business is to understand that you have an ego and a monkey brain that defies logic and common sense. Taking command of that starts with your understanding of GAVSD and applying that in your training and practice. 

You have to know when it happens, i.e. recognize a verbal attack, and then kind of ignore it for your benefit. Then you have to remove yourself from that encounter and environment without reservations. Walking away is a good thing regardless of what the monkey whispers in your ear. If you respond, knowing the type of mode of communication the other person is using allows you to recognize a mode that is proper in responding if a response is necessary to avoid and/or deescalate. Is the person using blaming mode, distracting mode or all five, i.e. blaming, placating, computing, distracting, and leveling. 

Now, don't you feel a bit of curiosity with this topic? Get her books and implement this into your self-defense training. In the end you will be glad you did and since you are the better person you simply are enhancing your good qualities to suit your self-defense training and practice. 

Bibliography:

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1993.

Elgin, Suzette Haden, Ph.D. "More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense." Prentice Hall. New Jersey. 1983.

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Self-Defense at Work." New York. Prentice Hall Press. 2000.

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Written Self-Defense" MJF Books. 1997

Elgin, Suzette. "The Last Word on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1995

Elgin, Suzette. "Staying Well with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense." MJF Books. 1990.