Constructive Criticism

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Criticism, a very destructive trait of humans to criticize another human but often the one criticizing feels they are actually helping others by this personality trait but is that true?

Consider it from the receivers perspective, criticism is often perceived as an expression of disapproval often based on the giver’s perception of faults or mistakes. It is about another human being who makes a snap-judgement or analysis and judgement of the faults of others. Considering this as either a recipient or a presenter, is this a positive thing, i.e., is it kind; is it true; is it necessary. This also brings up the rights of a human to speak their minds, i.e. where they remove the social filters or they never developed social filters where it isn’t about their right to say what they want but questioning whether they “Should” say what they want again by asking themselves is it kind, is it necessary and is it true. 

There are so many problems with assuming one has a higher knowledge and understanding over another especially when the one cannot fathom the mind-set and mind-state along with that persons feelings, perceptions and beliefs to make such a huge decision to criticize.

There are three traits, if you will allow some latitude, humans take on that are, in most cases, toxic both socially and personally, i.e., to be critical of others; to express disgust when communicating with others and to also express contempt when communicating with others. The highest toxic contamination one human can heap on another is a combination of contempt and disgust while expressing criticism. 

Then there is a point of view that constructive criticism is, “Constructive.” Constructive criticism is a process where a person offers (better if asked by the recipient as to advice that may be constructive criticism) a valid and well reasoned opinion using both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than tn oppositional one (criticism with contempt and/or disgust, etc.). A huge question one should add to the, “Is it Kind? Is it Necessary? and Is it True?, is to ask oneself if the “Constructive Criticism” is to improve the outcome. 

For me personally, criticism of a constructive nature should be asked for by me and it should be expressed without add-ons, etc., that are destructive, etc. One should leave out words like, “You,” when discussing issues of concern warranted reasoned opinions that may be perceived as counter to the recipients point of views and beliefs. It should focus on that issue and not the person. 

The Art of Verbal Self-Defense uses a phrase that should keep the criticism neutral and beneficial, i.e., focus on an action separate and away from the person and it must be the type of criticism that can be verified and proven, i.e., emotional rhetoric cannot be verified or proven, etc. 

For example, when someone fails to achieve a goal asked by another the other person may say, “When the dishes are not cleaned properly, it makes me feel disappointed because I have to redo them.” Neutral non-emotional statement of logic without distaste, contempt or disappointment that is not about the other person as will be perceived as a personal attack. It was kind as it was not aimed at the person but to the chore and the object of that chore; it was true if you can see that the dishes are still dirty and it was needed to allow the recipient to see and recognize how it affected the person providing the criticism in an attempt to reach a more positive outcome, i.e., the person expressing the criticism will get recognition on how they feel, the dishes will in all likelihood get cleaned and overall both parties will walk away with a positive outcome. 

Look at it as the GAVSD three part statements, i.e., remember it is a statement and not an accusation, etc., “I feel …; When … describe the behavior or under what conditions you feel this way; Because … explain those conditions or behaviors you feel this way about.” 

Makes sure you avoid “Blaming the recipient.” 

Make sure you are accurate and not hostile in expressing those feelings, etc.

Make sure it is true, it is kind and it is necessary.

Make sure to avoid or minimize making the other person feel guilty, put-down, and resentful.

Make sure you avoid expressing disgust and/or contempt. 

Note: This is an outline and to get the full skinny on GVASD three part statements go to Dr. Suzette Elgin’s books listed in the bibliography and as follows:

Elgin, Suzette Haden, Ph.D. "More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense." Prentice Hall. New Jersey. 1983.

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Self-Defense at Work." New York. Prentice Hall Press. 2000.

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1993.

Elgin, Suzette. "The Gentle Art of Written Self-Defense" MJF Books. 1997

Elgin, Suzette. "The Last Word on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" Barnes & Noble. 1995

Elgin, Suzette. "Staying Well with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense." MJF Books. 1990.

The only way to actually present constructive criticism is to make use of the three part statement described but with emphasis that it must first pass the following questions:

Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Will it be non-toxic, i.e., critical of the person, be conveyed with disgust and/or contempt and will it be about the issue and not about either party? 

Criticism is one of those things humans use that should be used sparingly and only with the above concepts because more conflicts and psychological attacks occur because of the verbal attacks using criticism, disgust and contempt being directed at someone rather than at an issue. 

If you find yourself using criticism as an everyday, normal, mode of communications and if you also find that your attitude comes from disgust and/or contempt it is going to end badly, for you. 

Bibliography (Click the link)

p.s. There is no such thing as "Constructive Criticism of a Person," there is only valid criticism of issues. Even when there are issues one should criticize only sparingly. This is absolutely critical.