Blog Article/Post Caveat (Read First Please: Click the Link)
Verbal Violence, the precursor in most cases toward the various forms of violence and conflict. Buddha has been inaccurately quoted on this subject, i.e., it wa believed to have been said, “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, it it true, is it necessary, and is it kind?” Research and reality tell us otherwise for the true statement is, “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, it it true, is it necessary, is it kind, is it helpful, is it conducive to harmony, and is it spoken at the right time?”
“Being honest doesn’t mean you say whatever you want, whenever you want. It means that whatever you choose to say is true. Honesty is not about speaking every word you want whenever you want regardless of the justification. Honesty is about making the appropriate choices in the words you use regarding the feelings and the respect toward the recipient. If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind, is it helpful, is it conducive to harmony, and is it spoken at the right time. Truth is rarely necessary and kind but kindness may take prominence in all conversations, discussions and arguments.”
Communications are critical to coping with and handling conflict and violence. It is the most important conflict tool in all of human interactions. Buddha’s meme or maxim holds relevancy in human interactions because if we all took a moment to consider what is about to be said, communicated, regarding truth, necessity, kindness, helpfulness, harmony and timing toward how it may or might be received as to how it will influence the exchange between humans then it serves great purpose in conflict and violence.
C&F are about communications, a form that has been a part of human existence and survival. We cannot just turn it off because we want to or because we have been conditioned toward a distinct distaste to violence, it takes centuries of evolution to achieve such a wondrous state of being human. The best and surest way to achieve that goal is to educate and train toward a comprehensive understanding with self-development of proper coping skills so that the higher levels of conflict and violence can be avoided.
I quote, “The Canonical Quote on Right Speech:”
“Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five? It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will. A statement endowed with these five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people.”
Then there is the quotation from the suttas:
“Monks, speech endowed with four characteristics is well-spoken, not poorly spoken — faultless & not to be faulted by the wise. Which four? There is the case where a monk says only what it well-spoken, not what is poorly spoken; only what is just, not what is unjust; only what is endearing, not what is un-endearing; only what is true, not what is false. Speech endowed with these four characteristics is well-spoken, not poorly spoken — faultless & not to be faulted by the wise.”
Then there is this final quotation:
“Do I speak at the right time, or not? Do I speak of facts, or not? Do I speak gently or harshly? Do I speak profitable words or not? Do I speak with a kindly heart, or inwardly malicious?”
Seldom, if ever, do folks take the time to ask themselves these questions so we tend to head directly past go and right to escalation of conflict and violence until we reach levels resulting in grave bodily harm or possibly death.
Try this miscellaneous poem by Mary Ann Pietzker:
Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?
Oh! Stay, dear child, one moment stay,
Before a word you speak,
That can do harm in any way
To the poor, or to the weak;
And never say of any one
What you’d not have said of you,
Ere you ask yourself the question,
Is the accusation true?”
And if ’tis true, for I suppose
You would not tell a lie;
Before the failings you expose
Of friend or enemy:
Yet even then be careful, very;
Pause and your words well weigh,
And ask it it be necessary,
What you’re about to say.
And should it necessary be,
At least you deem it so,
Yet speak not unadvisedly
Of friend or even foe,
Till in your secret soul you seek
For some excuse to find;
And ere the thoughtless word you speak,
Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”
When you have ask’d these questions three—
True,—Necessary,—Kind,—
Ask’d them in all sincerity,
I think that you will find,
It is not hardship to obey
The command of our Blessed Lord,—
No ill of any man to say;
No, not a single word.
This is the truth about the Buddha’s communications mantra, and now it is complete:
“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, it it true, is it necessary, is it kind, is it helpful, is it conducive to harmony, and is it spoken at the right time?”
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