Violence is a Way of Life

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I believe this to be true. Everyone has stories of violence to tell. Even if you feel you don’t, you do. I remember when I first started to actually, consciously, study conflict and violence that I told myself I have never truly encountered violence. That was a false belief because since I started my studies, not martial arts but violence, conflict and self-defense, I have had to realize that I, like everyone else, have experienced violence. 

Just to clarify, when you get into an argument with someone you are committing violence. What got me to thinking about this is that I realized that I was classifying violence under a heading that was very, very restrictive. I was looking at one small part of the world of violence and conflict and judging my life on that narrow concept. 

I then realized that I was exposed to violence, like almost every male child older than ten years, first in the family environment. There was my father who clocked me good so that I was in a blacked out stage until I registered the world again in the bathtub with my mother cleaning my face with warm soapy water. Granted, I began that with a saltine cracker tin lid that I threw at my brother who, naturally, ducked and it hit the plate glass picture window at our home on John Anderson Drive in Ormond Beach (strange how some distant details return at this late time in life). 

As I continued my studies I realized that what some professionals professed is true, the violence is a huge part of human existence and we all have to deal with it at one level or another even if we tend to call it something else to make it more palatable, acceptable. Society does this a lot. 

Now a most interesting perspective I have developed on this is that in our efforts to push violence out of our minds and therefore, we think, out of our lives we fool ourselves in thinking we are not violent, we will not become violent and violence cannot happen to us - except when it does. Reality says that the better we know and understand conflict and violence the better we can avoid, deescalate and handle it appropriately when it rears its ugly, but human, head. 

In my personal life it actually made me see, understand and believe just how much violence I depended on to live life as I have lived it. My violence may not have manifested itself in the typical model most believe, i.e., by getting into physical conflicts, but I had to admit to myself that what I was doing was truly violent, unnecessary and hurtful to those who were on the receiving end. 

Another aspect beneficial in this new knowledge is that I found other ways to get things done and to live life with less conflict and violence. I found that because I took the time to learn about it, accept it as a human condition, and how I was doing it I was able to see and find alternatives to my tendency toward using conflict and violence to get things done and get what I wanted. 

Granted, it was still conflict and violence but a much lower level that is considered acceptable in social and business senses and a whole lot less antagonistical in nature. Example: In lieu of using a strong aggressive personality type to get what I wanted I still used a non-aggressive but persistent way to sell or convince the other person that my way was a good one and where they would readily agree and follow that way, or even better, the exchange while a bit confrontational (i.e. conflict and violent in nature) we would find middle ground acceptable to both of us and both accept and use that new way. 

You see, violence and conflict are a way of life. While most is hidden and labeled, i.e. “negotiations vs. aggressive arguments,” it was still a form of conflict/violence, just a very low and acceptable level/type. 

As an example, my type of violence with levels that fluctuated over the years continued outside the family circle with friends, i.e., I remember the knock down drag out fights in back yards, and with associates in work environments, i.e., Wayne (my drywall partner before the Marines) who took homage to my grabbing his cigarette by throwing his drywall hatchet at me but hitting a wood stud instead, “ to the three instances Marines took shots at killing me in the barracks up to the group of Marine students who jumped me out in the field.” 

So, yes I have been exposed to conflict and violence but so have every single one of you. All you have to do is let go of the preconceived notions as to what violence is and remember that it ain’t like the movies and books and it “can happen to you.” Knowledge is the best course and the earlier you learn about human nature the better you can self-analyze and achieve a better handle on life, internally and externally. 

Hiding from the truth leaves you vulnerable when conflict and violence hit. I can say emphatically that if I had this knowledge and these tools in my youth I would have handled things a whole lot different. 

What do I say about violence then is this, don’t be afraid of it and don’t put your head or your families head in the sand because it is hard, damaging and difficult, teach it, know it, and find other pathways - you will be a better human for it. 

It is ugly, dangerous and avoidable but not if you ignore it until you encounter it - that is just plain dumb.