You

You is a powerful word. You will find it used a lot in “Scripts.” It tends to make things “Personal.” It comes across as if in a battle of wills between you and someone else. You (see how I slid into that you) have to understand … lets change that to, “That is simply not true.” What will be found is the monkey will use that word a lot because it makes it personal and that makes it “Emotional” and the Monkey likes this.

When you are faced with the Monkey spitting out expletives with the use of “YOU” in there just remember one things, “It ain’t personal. The Monkey, either yours or theirs, does not care one twit about you the individual. It is NOT personal. Scripts require only a “Role” and not a person per se. The role can be place on anyone regardless. The Monkey does not care about the individual, not at all.

The word “You” sucks us into our monkey’s emotional mind-state. It always makes the recipient feel, think emotional here, that the expletives flying in your direction are actually aimed at you, the individual (think Monkey here), when in reality it ain’t you, it ain’t personal. It does pull us into a Monkey brain and since it is coming from outside it tends to create the “Monkey dance.” 

This is a problem that requires us to think clearly and work in a logical way to end the conflict. It cannot be done while under the influence of the Monkey. It requires one pull up the logical thinking brain to create a logical and clear answer to the situation (Note: I am constantly here working to stop from going to  the use of “You” and it is hard). 

Another thing to remember, “You is something the Monkey loves so the Monkey will work hard to make sure that the word is used as much as possible, it cultivates its usage.”

When the Monkey hears, “You, <add in any statement here>” the Monkey says, “Yea, I got this human brain. Take a seat and let me roll baby!” Then the Monkey begins with, wait for it, with “YOU … “ Then one Monkey triggers the other Monkey into a “You” loop until before you know it, you or the other person is winding up for an huge overhand blow or the stiff index finger in the face or nose and then the fight is ON.

Don’t use the “You” word. Stay in the logical human brain. What comes from the use of “You” tends to lead toward “Defensiveness, challenges, justifications and explanations (defensiveness-lite), accusations, etc. 

Avoid the script by acknowledging that the Monkey is driving the bus. Drop the use of “You,” because it will be received as a “Challenge.” Try using the word, “We, to help make it about cooperation and not othering, etc.” Most of all, “Do not take it PERSONALLY!”

Bibliography:

Miller, Rory. "ConCom: Conflict Communications A New Paradigm in Conscious Communication." Amazon Digital Services, Inc. 2014.