Socially Acceptable Behavior

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Recently, walking from the BART to the Office I came across one situation that got me to thinking, “Why do folks not know the socially acceptable behavior of our environment?” There are these socially acceptable behaviors that are not written down and yet should be known by each of us if for no other reason that to make our social encounters more emotionally capable to avoid unnecessary conflict and occasionally violent. 

Things like:

• Those disembarking from the train or elevator or store should be allowed to exit first before you enter when reaching the door at the same time.
• Those walking should pass one another to the right.
• Those talking while walking should be aware of foot traffic and make appropriate adjustments to accommodate passage, etc.
• Those taking stairs should stay to the far right to allow free flow up and down.
• Things like saying, “Pardon me,” when bumping into one another in crowds.
• Things like hold the door for a person behind him or her when entering a building
• Things like that alcohol consumption in public will be in moderation.
• Things like one's nose in public is not an acceptable behavior.
• Things like using the phrase "thank you" is expected when someone has provided a service.

You get my meaning and here is what made me think that possibly our current totally independent and selfish like social behavior with a good deal of expectations and a high sense of entitlement type behavior, i.e., “When leaving the BART station by the stairs to the surface I move to the far right while noticing a young woman entering from above but moving to her far left. As I climbed she defended. I used body language to indicate I would say right if she would move slightly left to allow each of us to pass. 

I used my right hand opened and palm to my left side, held up about waist high with elbow near waist and looked her in the eyes for a brief moment so as to not alarm or indicate anything other than a polite signal. Most people when we are passing on the sidewalk will move with a conditioned response by moving slightly to their right so we can pass safely and politely.

I realized at the last moment when she kept approaching then stopped directly in front of me, I stopped as well, then makes a comment that indicated she expected me to move out of here way. I stood and said nothing with a calm and serene look on my face until she moved to her left and went around. The deal here is I could not move more right because I was as far right as I could be. I was a bit taken aback because in the last several decades when this type of thing occurs the unspoken socially acceptable behavior is and was to pass one another to the right. 

I then proceeded to ascend the stairs and go to work. Normally, on occasion and mostly from the males, when I see someone on the same path coming toward me I use such body language and signals but occasionally I can tell from their body language they are not going to move aside. I understand it as a male ego power trip so I move more to the right accordingly to pass and on occasion if no other room I move left and use the opposite body language to clearly indicate my intent - most, almost all, understand and move accordingly.

I realize that if I were paying a bit more attention, mind on work ya-know, that at a certain point I would have seen the resistance of this woman to move to her right so we could pass and I could have and would have moved then to the left to go around her but in this one instance I missed that one, it happens on occasion. I think it might deal with a lack of signals indicating some sort of danger, my inattention in that moment and possibly my assumptions when it comes to women that most often they, being more socially inclined toward such acceptable behaviors, will move in that socially acceptable way. I also thought she might have been a foreign visitor whose culture is the opposite, i.e., like driving on the left vs. driving in the right type thing. 

This reminded me that awareness even with the simplist things is necessary in our modern society because, in general, it seems we are becoming less socially and emotionally aware of others and that our totally independence we may be losing sight of how socially acceptable behaviors matter and should be taught somehow and somewhere. 

In our techno-society where we tend to connect through technological venues where body language, etc., does not exist such socially acceptable behaviors may be going the way of the do-do bird. 

Here is a list of what may or may not be socially acceptable behavior issues:

• It is expected that one would hold the door for a person behind him or her when entering a building.
• Normal dress for women at work excludes clothes that are highly revealing.
• It is not considered acceptable for a woman to be highly sexually promiscuous.
• It is expected that one will be on time for work the majority of the time.
• It is expected that alcohol consumption in public will be in moderation.
• Stealing is considered unacceptable under any circumstance.
• Adults are expected to work in order to support themselves.
• Nudity in public is not acceptable in most areas.
• Picking one's nose in public is not an acceptable behavior.
• Farting in public is not an acceptable behavior.
• People are expected to be honest.
• Respect for other people's property is important.
• If a promise is made, it is expected it will be kept.
• Chewing with one's mouth closed is expected.
• Using the phrase "thank you" is expected when someone has provided a service.
• Quick repayment of debt to another individual is an expected behavior.
• Remaining loyal to one's spouse is an expected behavior.
• Rising for the national anthem is an expected behavior.
• Sending a thank you note to someone who has given a present is expected.
• Providing adequate housing and food for oneself and one's family is expected.
• Shorts should not be worn in a professional work atmosphere.
• When dressing for a job interview in an office, men should wear a suit and tie.
• If something is knocked over in a store, the person who did so will clean up after himself.
• Belching at the dinner table is not an acceptable behavior.
• Cursing in polite conversation is not acceptable.
• Rudeness to service staff is not societally acceptable.
• Going to work or school barefoot is not socially acceptable.
• Being kind to animals is socially expected.
• Slurping one's food is not acceptable in the U.S.
• Ignoring someone when they are speaking is not acceptable.

I know this may not seem like a topic for martial arts and self-defense (fense = defense + offense) but remember if you will that certain etiquettes are taught and expected in the dojo and our social behavior goes a long way toward avoidance of conflict and violence. How we act among ourselves and others makes a huge difference and both those unwritten social behaviors along with some knowledge of cultures and beliefs, especially in social gatherings where the differences in modern society are more prominent, will go a long way toward keeping the social peace. 

Knowing and living and being socially mature and enlightened are some of those often unspoken and assumed understood behaviors that allow us to live, work, and play in social collectives making conflicts and violence less of an issue and obstacle to social cohesiveness, etc.

In a “fense” situation you should understand that if you traverse through a variety of tribe like culturally different environments knowing such socially acceptable behaviors while in their territory would be a very good start to avoidance and even deescalation if situations arise while you are there, kind of makes sense don’t it? 

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